ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
