I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
