Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
