If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
