I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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