Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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