Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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