is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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