My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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