apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
