hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My liver just had a heart attack.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bring me that man meat
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
