it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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