you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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