After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
