I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
