you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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