He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
