The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
