Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
