I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
