He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
