4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize