Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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