Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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