roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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