I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
