clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i think my cat just said my name.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
