I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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