good thing vaginas are great cup holders
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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