the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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