Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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