I just pynch a tree in the face
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize