let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
