this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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