whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
