No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
