Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
