man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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