drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
