Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
