I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
