And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
