sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
