Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize