she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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