We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
