you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
