Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
