girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
