He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
