I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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