his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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