Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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