I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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