i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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