Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
