It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
