I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
being pregnant is like rehab
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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