If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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