Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
