I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
