Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
