just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
