I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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