I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
