hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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