Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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