I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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