I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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